I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All the doctor said was why
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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