I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
