Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
