I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
