did you get engaged???
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
