If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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