You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
