i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and you fell through a lawn chair
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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