FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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