No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
