I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
