I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
