I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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