That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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