sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
