Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
