i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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