I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
