She's JV to your varsity
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
