Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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