If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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