dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
