I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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