as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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