I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
