Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
