True but thats because hes a fetus.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
