That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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