No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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