R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
