I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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