We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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