found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
