There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
