we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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