I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we're making bets on your personal life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
