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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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