Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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