I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize