I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
