I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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