I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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