I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
