the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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