so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
