Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
