Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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