You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
