Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
