As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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