i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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