They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize