batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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