I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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