I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
