I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just threw up on my dentist
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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