sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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