Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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