he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
