remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
