I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
