also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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