Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Floor bacon is actually really good
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
