we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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