her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
