need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where is the hickey?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
