girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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