so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
