wakey wakey hands off snakey
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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