I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
