They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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