apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
