Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
