I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
