It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
