He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize