No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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