i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
