CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ruined the universe
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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