WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We named our party play list daddy issues
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
