Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
