Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They took my balls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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