It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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