In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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