As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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