definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
